sunny with a high of 75//

darn. i have been engulfed by the forza lingo. my everyday language now includes phrases like "I'm having an AWESOME time!" and "Okaaaaay.... YUP!"I knew it would happen sometime, but ugh. My every response wants to be okaaaay yup or okaaaay nope. Then I am like, ughh NO! Anyway... thats only a sidenote.

i hope this doesn't sound too harsh, because its not meant to be. but i am so over it. SO over it. it being settling for less than what God has planned for me. i have had friends let me down before, as well as family. guys who treated me terribly. people who used me because i can't say no. and although all these things have hurt me in some way, God has used the experiences to shape me into who i am now. i have learned to be so much more forgiving, because it is one thing for someone to hurt you, but when you let bitterness stay in your heart... they continue to hurt you for weeks, months, even years. i've found that bitterness towards one person can hurt your other relationships as well. i've also learned the fine art of saying no. turning people down. it is probably one of the hardest things for me, because i always want to help. but spreading myself too thin was hurting me and in turn not producing any fruit in any areas of my life. even though i have learned a couple of these hard lessons, i still want and ask for things that might not necessarily be the best for me. whether it be material things like clothes or cars, or just plain money in general, or relationships... i have a limited perspective.

i can't remember which exact one it is, but there is a nooma video about how rob bell's son wants this cheap toy. but rob was already planning on buying his son this nice, new kickball. shiny... super cool. the ULTIMATE kickball. but his son didnt know that. all he knew was that this little cheap ball on a string was cool at the moment. it was all he could see. he wanted it soooo bad! he was in the mall crying and begging for it. but his dad knew better. he knew the string would get all tangled around his wrist and the ball would smack him in the face, and then break and it would just not be as fun as his son thought. he said that his son's perspective was limited. eventually, rob bell had to carry his son out of the mall... and took him to buy the new kickball.

the parallel obviously that we are like the son. i am like the son. i am like a 2 year old in the mall who wants that cheap toy so badly! i am begging and pleading and negotiating to get the stupid little toy. i think that having these clothes will make me happier, having this car will make me happier, if only that person liked me i would be so happy! but the toy will break. i wont enjoy it. it wont make me happier. unfortunately i dont know that, my perspective is limited. and God is saying, wait meagan, wait... I have something so much better for you. just trust Me.

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -Matthew 7:11

there are so many times where i have wanted one thing, and God said no. i didnt get it at the time, but when He finally revealed to me why He said no... i understood. He had something better for me! i know there are things in my life right at this very moment. things i am begging God to do. but i need to learn to fully trust that whether He gives me what i ask for or not, He knows what is better for me. which is weird to think. for me specifically. meagan marie maki. daughter of dan and jana, resident of orting, employee of forza coffee co, sister of jarvis, best friend of amanda, lover of rain, coffee, and coldplay... ME! He isn't just making an assumption based on popular vote. it is what He has planned specifically for this human [meagan].

i dont know if this all makes sense... i am kind of just writing it all down for myself to reread. but we'll see. typing is so much easier than writing stuff out.




ps- i met dino rossi today.